my fourth year without you

My fourth year without you I missed you.

Although it seems like yesterday when Jordan delivered the gut wrenching news to me, it feels like a lifetime has passed since I’ve hugged you.  I miss you.  My heart aches for you, for your morning calls, for your advice, your comfort, your assurance, and your unrelenting love.  I miss hearing you call me “Dede”.  I miss what your reaction would have been during LemonAID.  It actually makes me laugh thinking about what you would have said.  I missed you.  I miss you.  Every single piece of me misses you.

My fourth year without you I struggled.

I struggled with deciding to leave my job and not knowing if you agreed with my decision.  I struggled without my sounding board.  Without my Longboat morning walk buddy.  Without the top of my totem pole.  I struggled without the one person I couldn’t wait to share good news with because your approval was paramount to me.  I struggled to find motivation without having the reward of your affirmation.

My fourth year without you I felt proud.

I see you in my girls.  I felt proud that they know you.  We had friends over for dinner recently and out of nowhere Bea asked them if they knew her Pappy and went on to tell them that he is in heaven.  They want to talk about you.  They want to talk TO you.  They give you credit for any and all fun things that just magically appear or happen.  You left them their first Barbies by your tree and they were thrilled.  After Jordan spent HOURS putting together the bunny hutch, the girls ran out and immediately gave you credit for it.  He didn’t correct them.  It made me love him even more.

My fourth year without you I felt grateful.

How did I get so lucky to be your daughter and to have learned so much from you in the 30 short years we were together?  My fourth year without you I felt grateful to have had such a strong, positive, empathetic & humble man to look to.  I felt grateful to be yours & to have learned so much from you.

My fourth year without you I talked to you.

Every day of my fourth year without you you were on my mind & in my heart.  I talked to you when I was alone in the car (which was rare :)).  I talked to you while with the girls, during prayers before bed, and when I’m having a hard time. I talked to you about all of the girls, their funny personalities, and the hilarious things they say.  I talked to you about my deep worries about Beatrice.  I talked to you about what I fear most with her health, what things look like for her long term, and how I am determined to help medicine advance in enough time to give her the long, full life she deserves.  I talked to you about my hopes for all of my girls.

My fourth year without you, I missed you Dad

My fourth year without you I lived what you taught me.

I listened to my conscience.

I developed strong character.

I was courageous.

My fourth year without you I survived.

IMG_7336

19149255_10103899656059868_8268170254675314703_n

LIVERversary – year #5

Where do I even begin?

If you were to tell me 5 years ago that I would have just tucked my three healthy little girls into their beds I would have thought you were crazy.  How would that even be possible when I was working my hardest to keep our 6 month old daughter alive?

5 years ago at 7:00am I had just said goodbye and good luck to our sweet baby Bea.  Jordan was about to roll me back for surgery and Dad was sitting with Bea as the nurses and doctors prepped her to receive her new (or we like to say “pre owned) liver.

Thinking back to that time seems so surreal.  For months prior, we were living minute by minute monitoring her health, her decline in health, her test results, and her medications.  We were filled with worry, fear, exhaustion, helplessness and hope.  We were uncertain if our 6 month old would survive such a long and complicated surgery.

5 years later, I wish I could look at that new mom and tell her it will be okay.  More than okay.  I wish I could tell her that 5 years later, her family is thriving.

Her daughter is healthy.  Her daughter is protected…she is fully vaccinated.

She will recover seamlessly from the surgery and go on and have 2 more babies.  And those babies will be healthy.  Her family will be better for going through such a trying time.  She will live in gratitude and a deep pull to give back to all that have given so much to her.

She will cherish the small moments.

She will be happy and although she still worries, she does NOT constantly think of her daughter as a liver transplant recipient. Instead, she thinks of her as a loving big sister, a tender hearted little girl, a joy, and a miracle.

A true blessing.

We don’t know what the next 5 years looks like – or the next 5 months for the matter – but today, we are celebrating our little girl and the incredible gift she is to us all.

Beatrice,

We are in awe of you.  Your strength, love, and empathy knows no bounds and I can’t imagine a life without you in it.  And thanks to all of our doctors and nurses at CCHMC, we won’t have to.  We are proud of you, Bea.

 

Poppy,

It takes the whole family to keep Bea healthy and you provide us all with the best medicine – laughter.  Your patience, love, and funny jokes keeps our family positive and confident.  We love you and are so proud of the little girl you are.  I am lucky to have you as the cream in the oreo.

tumblr_inline_nru47y0LYm1r5whzi_540

34F3EC63-7D36-4010-9A8B-2A7F38800DA4

IMG_6563

29861E55-561E-4166-9CC9-8CB383A5DB27

night routine

Hi!

I haven’t been on here in forever but wanted to come back mainly as a placeholder for this post!  With the new crazy life of being a stay at home mom, Instagram and Instagram stories have just been WAY easier for me.  I hope I get back in the swing of things and post more to the blog but in the meantime, check out my instagram

@HillaryKWeidner

Okay, onto the fun stuff!

I have had a ton of questions about make up and skincare routines.  I have been super minimalistic when it comes to those things but have rededicated myself to taking care of all things health and that includes my skin!

Please see below for the products I am CURRENTLY using.  Sometimes this changes or I get introduced to something new but I have been on this regimen for months and have been loving it!

Before I start anything listed below, I use a gentle cleanser on my face at night and then apply THIS SK-II toner.

 

Screen Shot 2020-02-12 at 10.40.24 AM

 

Add a heading

 

  1.  After my toner, I use Good Genes which can be found HERE and I love how it has helped even out my skin tone.
  2. Find this french moisturizer HERE – $16 and doesn’t break me out.
  3. OBSESSED with this for my eyes at night and my hands.  It was gifted to be from a friend and I have recommended it to so many.  Find it HERE.
  4. If you love Aquafor and use it on your kids – than you will like this even better.  It really hydrates and love putting this on my lips before bed.  Find it HERE.
  5. If you want a night off and REALLY think your lips need hydrated – do this sleeping ip mask overnight.  You won’t regret it – I use about 1x/week.  Find it HERE.
  6. If your lashes need a little extra lift – put this on in the evening.  Find it HERE.
  7. Once a week I try and use this mask.  I keep it in the refrigerator and the next morning I can definitely notice a new glow to my skin.  Find it HERE.
  8. I also forgot to mention (and it isn’t pictures above) but I LOVE this toothpaste and after all the coffee I drink I think it really helps keep my teeth white!  Find it HERE.

CEE11824-A57D-4233-B9B4-ABC99802B2C5