she’s baaaack

What.a.whirlwind.  The good news:  Bea is home.  Bad news: she likes me….like a lot. Like way too much.

Besides the fact that I was THRILLED to have everyone happy and home, the first 24 hours of having Bea back were rough.  Beyond rough.  Probably my hardest day since this whole thing began.  We got her home and she would not stop crying unless Jordan or I were holding her.  That is not an exaggeration.  We couldn’t set her down to change her diaper, put her in a swing, or even lay her down without her going absolutely bananas.  She wouldn’t fall asleep and finally when she did, she was up every 1-2 hours screaming for a bottle or to be rocked.  I was beyond exhausted still trying to recover from major surgery and flattered she enjoys me that much but

The next day (yesterday) was not much better.  I couldn’t stop crying to everyone and anyone who would listen.  EVERYthing set me off and I was just having a really really really bad day.  It started out with Bea still freaking out unless I held her and then our weekly nurse visit for dressing changes of her central line, blood draws, etc etc.  It was crazy because they have to take her blood pressure and draw her blood before I can give her the anti-rejection medication (which is ALWAYS due between 9-9:10 two times a day…you have to give it to her within those 10 minutes in the morning and evening.  Every day).  It was nuts around our house from 8:30am-9:12am.

After the nurse visited and unloaded all of the medical supplies that we needed (her nursery has transformed into a hospital room), we had our clinic appointment at Children’s.  Nurse visits 2x/week and clinic visits 2x/week.  Again, I was the only one who could hold Bea without her crying and all of our doctors and nurses saw me at my worst.  Bea couldn’t stop crying and either could i!  We were a mess!  

A couple of the doctors asked me a few survey questions and I gave some feedback about our transplant experience.  The last question really got me…”whats the hardest part about transitioning home?”

me:  “everything.” (continue the ugly cry).

Bea’s doctor (God love her) was “just not having it” with Bea’s separation anxiety/attitude/adjustment/etc and got us on a really solid plan of food and medication to help her get back into her groove.  I love this woman.

We are 48 hours into having her home and we are still working on it.  It is a process and what she went through was traumatizing (I’m sure).  She just wants to be with her mom and dad and doesn’t want anyone else poking and prodding her.  I think she’s also scared I’m going to leave her again (I didn’t see her much for a week or so after transplant).

SO – I would be lying if I said this was a breeze and “I got this”.  If fact, I don’t have this AT ALL but am reminding myself that I am lucky to have her, lucky she is healthy enough to be home, lucky her new liver is working.  

 I am lucky we are all on the mend.

[An anonymous homecoming fairy came and decorated for Bea’s arrival home!  So thoughtful.]


[Our newest fashion accessory…the stroller bubble.  Keeps germs away and sickness at bay.]


[Saying goodbye to some of our favorite nurses.  Jealous, Billy?]


[All smiles on the drive home.]


[Taking our first walk.  And, no, that is not a cocktail.  I wish.] 




***I am only able to even write this post because my mother-in-law is watching her and I got to sneak over to my parents for a couple of hours.**** 

****I am so tired I have no idea if the above post even makes sense.**** 

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